Sunday, March 08, 2009

Useless Animation Does Not Get Me My Retirement Funds Back

For some reason, Charles Schwab feels compelled to use fancy-schmancy rotoscoping animation in their commercials:

I just don't see the point. In fact, it doesn't say much for your product when your entire ad campaign is comprised of taking bad actors complaining about mundane financial topics and then animating them to make everthing seem more interesting. Oooooh. Awesome.

If you're going to animate people, why waste time using normal looking people talking about broker fees and expenses or minimum account balances. Use the technology to your advantage. In a word--nudity. Seriously, why couldn't you interview hot chicks, animate them, and then digitally get them butt naked. If that's the case, then they could talk about anything you want; you've got my attention. Open an account--sure, why not? Buy stock in Enron--absolutely.

I know you make your money giving advice to people, but let me offer some to you Chucky-Boy: The next time we're about to head into the worst recessionary environment in a generation, if you're not going to tell me what to buy or when to sell, at least use your high-powered advertising technology to let me see some boobies. It doesn't help me retire any sooner, but it helps pass the time better.