Quick, what's the first thing you think of when you see this:
Time's up. The correct answer is: a scene from "Asian Sex Party VII," starring me (acting under my porn alias, Lance Manly). The second thing you think of is probably the Subway "Five Dollar Footlong" ads. You know, a variety of characters holding up 5 fingers and then stretching out their hands approximately 12 inches apart to the most irritating, dissonant, repetitive jingle ever.
Let's deconstruct this, shall we? Clearly the ads are dripping with blatant sexual undertones that cater to every sick, twisted, and deviant fantasy...men, women, animals, construction workers, Godzilla. And, in their attempt to convince people to buy their sandwiches, Subway has fostered a phallic obsession and then cheapened it by placing a $5 dollar price tag on it. And the obsession with size further devalues the male psyche--notice that there's no commercial for a "$2.50 six inch".
Let's dig down a little deeper: When viewed without the music, the act of holding up your hand and making the 12-inch motion is really just a way to say, "Hi, I'm a pervert without any regard for social mores and need 12 inches to satisfy my fragile psyche. Wanna go back to my place and have meaningless sexual relations to fill the void in my life?" Disgusting. I wonder if that's how Sen. Daniel Craig actually got caught.
Am I reading too far into this? I don't think so. Am I intimidated by the advertisements?...no, of course, not, that's ridiculous. In fact, I'm going to drink some beer and watch some football now, 'cause I'm a normal, masculine, woman-loving man. Then I'm going to see the new Brad Pitt movie.
1 comment:
YOU CHARALATAN!
At last I have found the cur that has appropriated my porno alias of Lance Manly. Did you think you could get away without repercussions for long? Did you even imagine the confusion I endured with people coming up to me asking about work I never was involved in? Comments like "I could barely recognize you in 'Naughty Nurses 9', how exactly did you have your circumcision reversed?" or "Lance, its good to see you are broadening your horizons with gay porn." For weeks I knew nothing of the miscreant who was besmirching my good reputation in the field of filming multiple people having emotionless sex for money. Shame on you sir, shame indeed!
I demand that you immediately end your use of my good name in your endeavors. A good name that I have built up in through 150 videos over a 40 week career.
Regards,
"The Real" Lance Manly
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